The first time we heard the word, we thought it was a joke. We quickly realized that it was not. As you may have already guessed, we’re considered a “geriatric pregnancy,” terminology reserved for the increasing number of women getting pregnant above the age of 35. But “geriatric”? Really? C’mon. Can we not come up with a better term? A quick Google search yields:
Geriatric – “Of or relating to old people, especially with regard to their healthcare.”
May as well call us an Octogenarian pregnancy! Or Decrepit pregnancy! Yeesh!
But, while it is true that I do remember the days of no remote controls, no internet and no cell phones, you would think that we could come up with a description of our situation that is less obtrusive than “geriatric.” Perhaps “Mature”? But then you run the risk of having a premature Mature pregnancy, so that could cause some confusion…
“Experienced?” – That might imply that we’ve already gone through childbirth, which we haven’t.
“Veteran?” – That might imply that we were in the military, which would be untrue.
What about “Advanced?” – Ah, yes. Much better. I officially propose that we replace “geriatric pregnancy” with “advanced pregnancy.” Can I get a witness here?
Well, for those of you who don’t know this, an Advanced Pregnancy comes with its own set of protocols. For example, you get to go to a “High-Risk” OB/GYN (yet another term that doesn’t have positive connotations), and that’s IN ADDITION to going to your usual OB/GYN. Plus, apparently you need to see your usual OB/GYN PLUS the High-Risk OB/GYN every week, starting in the 3rd trimester. That’s 2 OB visits per week. Who has that kind of time? Well, I guess we’re going to have to MAKE that time…
And it does actually come with benefits. For example, we’ve noticed that the ultrasound technology at the High-Risk OB’s office is far better than that of the regular OB. This allows for much higher quality visual pictures and videos, replete with color in instances like when they’re looking for placental blood flow. Pretty cool, like HDTV vs non-HDTV..
Ok, so back to my original point. Let’s clean up this terminology. We’ve established “Advanced” over “Geriatric”. Now let’s attack “High-Risk”. We need to think of something that promotes a more positive outlook… “Elevated-Seriousness?” Hmm… I like “elevated” but I’m not so sure about “seriousness,” though I do like it over “risk.” I can’t seem to think of anything else, so let’s try it in a sentence:
Before: We’re at our high-risk OB/GYN, due to our geriatric pregnancy.
After: We’re at our elevated-seriousness OB/GYN due to our advanced pregnancy.
Hmm… Not sure… Maybe “gravity?
After: We’re at our elevated-gravity OB/GYN due to our advanced pregnancy.
Slightly better. And it lends a little more universal spirituality to the mix, which I like. Let’s go with it until one of you comes up with something better and posts it below. After all, when it comes to pregnancy, do you not agree that positivity should be emphasized?
Increase Pregnancy Results: A Daily Synbiotic Probiotic
Bret McClellan
