It still hasn’t sunk in 100%. Yes, Camille is showing but she’s not showing a basketball yet. Not even a football. So, visually, I’m not reminded of our little miracle 100% of the time. Some of the time it just seems like business as usual. And, to some degree, it is. For the last 10 years we’ve been spending a lot of time talking about getting pregnant and going through the processes. Getting ready for the procedures, paying for the procedures, combining those procedures with vacations (usually Las Vegas, where our fertility clinic was, for a while), paying for those vacations, and then eventually walking away disappointed and saddened. And out a lot of cash.
But it was worth it. I would do it all over again, without question. We probably stayed in at least 7 different resorts in Vegas, thinking that if we were vacationing, the stress would melt away with all the pampering and distractions, giving us an edge on conception. But over the course of that decade, nothing worked. It just didn’t happen. We had tapped out all of our genetically tested blastocysts, and had only 2 legitimate ones left. Those 2 originally did not provide enough material to be genetically tested, but they were growing at the same rate as the others that tested well, so we decided to keep them. And now we were down to them.
We also decided to switch things up, going local instead of continuing to go to Las Vegas for our fertility needs. We chose Emory Reproductive Center here in Atlanta. Still, it wasn’t all cheese n’ crackers. Shipping the 2 blastocysts from Vegas to Atlanta requires portable freezing equipment and a company that specializes in such transport. As you might imagine, they also charge a not-so-nominal fee for such services. It also comes with a risk.
As with all frozen blastocysts (even untransported) there is a chance that they don’t survive the freeze/thaw process. As it turned out, one of ours did not survive. We found out as we were in the car, headed to Emory on the day of the transfer. And since we had elected to only transfer one at a time, the other had not been thawed, so the weeks of progesterone shots, estrogen patches, and hormonal mood swings were all in vain. That was a bad day. Probably worse than any of the other 7 failed attempts because the three of us weren’t even given a chance to succeed. It’s hard to drive 20 miles back home when you’re crying your eyes out.
Give quoted text visual emphasis. “In quoting others, we cite ourselves.” — Julio Cortázar
And that was just one of the failed attempts. The others were almost as heartbreaking. Such a roller coaster of high hopes and dramatic drops into instantaneous sadness.
But all of that is over now. And I repeat: I would do it all over again, without question. The life experiences that we gained in our travels, the beautiful scenery that we saw, the family that we visited and the people we met during this journey – all irreplaceable, not to mention rewarding.
So, if you’re in the middle of your journey and suffering setbacks, remember that you’re not alone. There are many folks that have come out on the other side, successful even after decades of failure. Persistence is key. So keep your head up and your chin high!
Bret McClellan
